saturday 10:29pm

it's nearing ten fifteen
thank god i can excuse myself
for not leaving the house

i can work towards
a black out
a night without feeling

i do it because it's appealing
these days i don't get too excited for anything
that leaves

i write poetry to remind myself
i was awake at some point
self-conscious and self-absorbed

i am deathly bored
being disconnected

they call me obsessive
but not compulsive

if i kept everything i didn't erase
they would call me crazy

on the midway

i can't help it
i hope you cried on your drive home

i wonder what you listened to
if you thought of words
such as mistakes and
soul mates

i now know the meaning
of you can't have your cake and eat it too

i wanted to write it to you
but i thought of words
such as weakness
and why

did you know
there are many definitions of fair
including superficially pleasing to the eye
promising and
adequate

but i think of the county fair
coming and going
carny games and carnal love
fun for everyone
for a little while

but when the carnival leaves
someone packs up the rubber rings
and someone leaves with nothing

it's a fair game
how you spend your time on the midway