it's gone

twotwentyseven a.m.
dipping my scarf in cold piss
on the bathroom floor
squatting
squint eyes
staring
for a pen mark
on the wooden wall
i wrote once
drunk
i love you
shaking
blurry nights
blend in black
fuzzy eyes
i drunkenly declare
we're gone

dreamboat

I made a paper dreamboat
watched it float
through my fingers
built a moat
around my beating vessels
let it sink
lovers drown
built a grave
lowered down
watched the cement come apart
watched the glue come undone
wondered why
my dreamboat didn't fly
wondered why
when the puzzles pieces didn't fit
threw a fit
slammed them down, way down,
I cheated and it felt
alright.

my little naked

Honey, get your coat on
you know it's getting colder
my little naked, you've gone crazy
child, please don't chase me
let's stop our drinking
get some soup and watch a movie

my little naked,
you've gone crazy
burning matches
drunk in traffic

my little naked,
i read your letters
honey, why'd you hurt me
my little child, you're so angry
go to sleep and start your dreaming

my only friends are strangers
but now,
i think,
it is better to have broken conversations
with the passers by
than to sit with you for hours
talking and talking

all my foreign friends
i'm sad to see them go
but you,
well,
have fun in Europe,
i hope you stay there

i never ever want to speak to you again

Just for today.

Just for today,
let's hook up your wires
to my wires
and make each other
happy.

Let's be honest, this is not poetry, this is goodbye!

iguessthisisgrownuplifeiwantittostopicant bringmyselftoevenbleedanymore it isnt worth it i have turned into a monster my face is ugly my dreams are ugly i want to die i wish it would just happen somehow and no one could be blamed and we could have good memories iwishi would havemet youwithout*her even my dreamssayyouwantheryou want her and i see it all the time ifeellikeilietomyself when i amhappy sheisyoursecretdream that isnt such a well kept secret youve tried to hide her but youcantlet go and i cant let go maybe its why we sre together and it endsjustlike it began with that song the part where you let go i pushed you to let her go i shouldnt have i was selfish i am still selfish you need to be with her and you will tell me no but i think deep insideyou want it you hide it your little secret your love you wish wouldnt have ended i hope that if we break up we can leave each other and never speak again because i dont want anyone to get hurt from us i really loveyouyou are hte only thing i live for and that causes pressure i am sorry i will find other things but iwish it was perfect i wish we could have a wedding and be really happy its a childsdreamiknow ijustthought it could be us and i dont know is this the part where we let go the song is this the partisit does anyone know i wish my life didnt lose all its meaning i wish i never met you with *her i wish you would have asked *her to stop calling somuchwheniasked you to i should have understood you didnt want to let her gowell i will try to let you goand ifyou moveon and ask your boyfriend or your girlfriend asks you to tell me to stop tlking i will stop talking i oweyouthat i really am proud of you you are the most successful person our age that i know so many great things you are so smartyouwill make a good wife to someone and a good mothermaybei will move to a new country an island and i'll talk poetry to myself i will always be here for you unless i shouldnt be but i will never be here too much if thats what you want and when someone else comes along for you i will back away you wont have to worry about letting go i will try for us i am weak but strong sometimes maybe i will get in a car wreck here or stabbed like other women in new orleans i am proud of you you have done so much already i hope you figureout what you want with *herihink it is something deep down maybe i am crazy but even my dreams think so i think you know too maybeiam crazy who knows you shouldnt bewith a crazy person i wish i ould say i cut my finger on purpose i cant process pain anymorenoteveninflicting it itjust steeps likeateabag boiling down in myinsides i guess thisi goodbye or maybe noti dont know what to dowhatyouwant but i am wearing you out and you needtoremember how young you are i make you old maybeeverything is finemaybe we can be happy forever but i am probably crazy tosay thatsoundslike youalready knowitwont happen i wish i was in the mountains goodbye silvye i love you in a way i have never loved another person in the strongest saddest way kindoflove i really do thank you for being a partofmylife forhelping me so often i wish things weredifferent i wish we were blades of grass goodbye.

don't worry, i know

every other day
or every third day
i am better than okay

ava, she's real now
she's drinking a red wine that i cannot spell

and carolina,
storey, and amber

how i look at you
with these child eyes

you are so beautiful

for me, it hurts to pee
for me, i cannot see below my belly

i want to meet your child
when he talks
i already know
messiah holds his breath

lesbian

fucked all the boys
in the army

win
war is over

still a lesbian

booze

bottled breast milk
booze
mother
I loved her
but I've grown up
sipping from my
grown up cup
brown bagged breasts
warm chest
desire
desire
to sleep like a baby
to cry like a little girl

red, black

Red wire
Black wire
We're trying to love each other
Touchy loose
sparks in the fire
She's trying her best
to give her all
red magnet
black magnet
she's pushing and pulling
trying her very best