the fox and the grapes

when will i convince myself
that you are a murky, dirty pond
and i, a bright blue Betta
better left alone

the living being had no need of eyes because there was nothing outside of him to be seen, nor of ears because there was nothing to be heard

i am more honest than my father
less stable than my mother
i have a girl i could marry
but i cannot love her

she is an innocent pup
i have left in the snow

watch from the window
as i circle like crows
circle above warm meat
hungry
i would not wish this upon you
but i do
circle still as a serpent
inside myself
deprecating body

i am Goliath
hear my scream
as i gnaw on my feet
i am a self-inflicted dying beast
building and trampling dreams of my Babel
a place where god lives, underwater, my still euphoric dream
the beginning and the ending of me

i am a starving tick
blood sucking
what are the odds
surviving love in a looney bin
a heavy sponge collecting anything
what is fair
in lacking empathy
in degenerative disease

i cannot love her
with what is inside of me