remind me

the Tanbark tunnel held me like a cradle
the womb that let me down so long ago
i turned the headlights off
and let her carry me

remind me why
you can't carry me
do i not deserve
the reds and yellows before the fall

no flying, just falling,
just dead and i told you
this morning
i still may kill myself

you got sick to your stomach
and swore it wasn't me
i wonder if we can keep
each other happy

She held me like the body that could not hold me
with uncertainty
remind me why
we can't be happy

Run

Two Choices, a haiku

contact solution, hiaku

Return.

Just as New Orleans whispers to the water

You whisper to me, “I mean.”

“We knew it would return.”

I thought maybe not.

I hoped 

I could keep the water at bay

but we become tolerant 

and our levees break.

I wish I didn’t want to dive in

but here I am

underwater.

Here.

This might be where I love you the most, here,
with your nose in the cupboard,
sniffing the maple syrup bottle and cocoa dust

Here, at 2:02 am, when I hear you stirring,
kissing my hand just because and I turn to you,
and you play asleep

And later, when you woke with a bellyache and
couldn't make it to the door
the wet on your face and your oil-spill eyes

When you jumped and broke the vase
and I scolded you for chewing the Winterberry
only to find that it was caught in your hair

I apologized.
Here.
I love you the most.

getting help

i am not mad at you

for self-medicating 

or lapping up your own blood

or shaving your head

thank you 

for standing in the window

and letting us watch

as you stripped naked

i think of you

Will your pick up truck make it up the east coast

if you still have that army green rucksack we can

walk into the woods 

pocket all the yellow leaves

pretend like nothing’s changing

i think of you before I feel proud of myself

any time i’ve made something beautiful 

i think of you when i sit cross-legged on the kitchen floor 

when I hang a picture frame or kill another houseplant 

i think of you

i’d be lying if i said i don’t know

why we fought over that blue speckled bowl 

it was a memory i couldn’t let go

i think of you when i watch people leave their homes

i dreamt we made love and we knew what we were doing

i’m always wondering if we knew what we were doing

we walked through a tornado and i lost myself 

i keep your teeth in a jar on the bottom shelf

when i see 

butterflies pinned behind glass

bits of my own handwriting

a room filled with mirrors

i wonder do you think of me

let’s take your pick up for a long ride

if it can make it 

we can drive

like we know where we are going 

pretend like nothing’s changing

do you ever feel that way

who do you talk to 

when you are real sad

i don’t mean

break up sad

i mean

is tomorrow worth it 

sad

do you ever feel that way
or is it just me