can't let go

i can't let go of the South,
the drugs, i think,
i can't live without

can't let go
of yr feet dangling from our window
last spring and
yr homemade earrings,
i'm pulling

at yr lobes,
i can't let go of the empty Pimm's,
skeletons, who needs them,

and dreams, what have you,
i can't let go
of words that have no meaning,
i keep searching, searching

through broken things,
yr ankle, three places,
my empty Miller cases,
this place,

i can't let go
of the smell on yr pillow,
the idea of home
and the songs we sang about it

i can't let go
of the water, the trains,
the tracks that lead to this pain
i can't let go

the innocent pains we cause and the crimes of lacking passion we commit

i've figured out the pattern of
letting someone down
in 6 easy steps

1. give someone your heart (fall madly in love)
2. get let down (experience loss)
3. hurt (wallow in this step indefinitely, continue to step 4 simultaneously)
4. take someone else's heart (in hopes of a savior or a distraction- you are mad here, you don't know any better)
5. continue hurting (classical conditioning in preparation for next step)
6. let them down (unknowingly)

step 5 is a blindfolded reaction
the innocent crime step 6
step 3, well, it never really ends
sometimes we don't see the pain we inflict
a rabid dog kills with a lack of understanding

i do not know what i am doing
i have not been sober for
a long time now

it is much more complicated
than these 6 steps
but i am hurt and turning mad

did you know tears are also effective
for cleaning wounds?
did you know
it is human instinct to suck the blood from a cut?

my paws are sore
as i tread on your chest without feeling
my nails in your skin
too preoccupied with my own feelings
to let anyone in